I’ve been questioned throughout my life why I have such a disgruntled and pessimistic take on life in general. I usually don’t have anything to respond with, but rather, I’d simply rather not say. Truth be told, these people simply don’t know me (nor should they be bothered to.) Perhaps this boils down to a personality flaw within myself where I feel that sharing a part of me is redundant and for the most part, I agree, especially if and when we have no common ground. I’ve always had a “Live and Let Live” policy on life and that one should never take life too seriously.
Life is a fucked up game. Just try playing the board game a few times in one sitting. I assure you that it will either work in your favour, or it will completely destroy you, crushing every dream, hope, desire and goal you imagine yourself to achieve one day. This is how I view life as. Anything bad can come your way – disappointment, setbacks, and worse – failure. And might I remind you – it’s not a matter of if. It’s a matter of when. Through life’s trials and tribulations, I’ve learned (the hard way) that you can’t expect someone to pick up after you or to serve you your sandwich on a silver platter. It just doesn’t work that way. The one lesson in life I’m still trying to get a grasp of is the concept of working towards something you want. How bad do you have to want it in order to measure or quantify what is required or how much time and effort is required to achieve the end result?
I still don’t know and I’m a pretty dumb and stupid guy. I’m certain that the positive, overzealous optimistic variety who see life as the glass being half full can’t tell you. Now, I don’t have a problem with these people. I actually like them a lot. Why? Because their views, thoughts and ideas can be so skewed, they get caught up in the end result and when they hit a road block, their lives are suddenly turned upside down. They hold hands, juggle kittens, and sing songs and do stupid things like pray to God. What? God doesn’t give a fuck. God probably wanted you to fail for his or her very own entertainment! I particularly like these people because when they encounter a problem, it’s people like me who pick up where they left on and tread on, leaving them behind sitting in the dust. But on a serious note, the same can be said about people like myself. We, too, get caught up in our logical and pessimistic views that sometimes, we can’t see that the grass can ,in fact, be greener.
I’m not insisting one way or the other is better nor do I think I’m better than you. Oh, trust me. That’s the last thing that’s on my mind. What I’m trying to say is, a majority of people I’ve encountered throughout my life have spent far too much time perhaps pretending to be optimistic and/or being somebody they aren’t. Why go through all that trouble and put on a face mask and play a character you aren’t suited for? Wouldn’t you be better off just being your true self? Who you really are? I’m tired of meeting retards off the street who play it off as if life is great when really, they’re just crying in the dark (something I’m very good at by the way.) They have a hard time accepting people like myself who see the glass being half empty. What exactly is your problem? Why must you judge me? And for you to think that I’m not good enough for you? Please. There’s more than what meets the eye, okay? I am tired of having to meet disillusioned imbeciles living in denial. I don’t judge people based on their educational backgrounds, line of work, or their material possessions and especially the dollar figure in their salaries. I accept people for who they are. Not what they are. Judgement should always be reserved.
I’ve taken some bold risks throughout my lifetime, often stupid and beyond comprehension but I would never trade anything for what came to be. The one thing that has gotten me through life is that I don’t give a shit about what other people think. That, and I do what makes ME happy. Not what other people expect me to do. Fuck them. I do not particularly share the details of what I did, how I did it, or where I went to get it. It doesn’t matter. Nothing pisses people off more than when one displays just a little bit of modesty and humility. I see no point in over-inflating ones self. You are your own worst enemy.
All said and done, I’m going to say something I normally wouldn’t say, especially on here. I’m pretty happy and content with my life. It could be a lot worse and I couldn’t ask for more. Maybe a Porsche 911, okay? But I’m glad I’ve gone through the wringer and to hell and back. I have a great group of friends, a loving family, a roof over my head, a career in an industry I love, and most importantly, a lifetime of valuable life experiences and memories I created on my own. Now, I’m usually emotionally unavailable or aloof, but nothing more can bring me a smile where I’m able to help my friends and family, be it with weddings, giving them useless advice, or simply listening to how their day went. I’m at a point in my life where I don’t sweat the small stuff because really, why should it even matter? My famous one-liner in my industry – “It’s not worth my time.”
So what about you? Are you happy? Or are you just living a lie? Just stand in front of the mirror one day and literally ask yourself out loud. Take the test. I dare you.
And just chill the fuck out and listen to this, okay?
And damn it, Jane. When are you going to go out on a date with me? We’re having dinner this Friday – 7pm. I pick you up. We’re having pizza.