Holy, *BS Galore!*

Wow…seriously WTF. I experienced the biggest load of BS in all of this year in less than 5 minutes. I went to this freakin’ dump of a Twanger joint on 67th Ave Granville called Flo Tea House or something along the lines of some lame ass and wannabe pretentious fake-to-the-max upscale bubble tea joint and wow, the first thing I saw was this hot middle-aged milf who wasn’t really a milf but she was hot nonetheless but the waitresses who sat us looked like the nastiest zombie FOB Twanger with an angry attitude as if she got beat by her husband when she got home everyday or to that extent. I didn’t want to go to this place because I’ve had nothing but bad experiences but AJ wanted to try it out so rather than be the douchebag snob I am, I agreed. Strike one because I knew this was going to be a gong-show.

We were lucky to sit beside the milf and her not-so-hot looking milf friend but my buddy AJ for some reason was able to smell something like shit within his range of smell. I think something’s wrong with his nose probably caused by the countless amount of cigars he’s been smoking but needless to say, that was pretty bunk. So this FOB Zombie Twanger lady comes over to take our orders, AJ orders an aloe green tea and I ordered a red bean and grass jelly shaved ice “What kind do you want?” I was like WTF?! There’s one kind what more do you want? So I had to tell her – again. Okay fine, whatever, so she didn’t hear me the first time but she gave me attitude and started suggesting shit like milkshakes, smoothies and other crapola. Bitch, please! Was I speaking Turkish?! DLGF man! Ok so 5 mins passes by, she comes back with AJ’s aloe tea and I see chunks of aloe, but oh, wait, no. It comes with a straw good for only the tea and not the aloe. Gay! Strike two. A few minutes later, ah ha! Bitch comes back with a fucking glass with red bean and grass jelly but what looks like a retardation of a mish-mash of a smoothie! WTF BITCH! I said SHAVED ICE! So rather than argue with the cunt, I was just like %*@#)%*@)#%* and took it up the ass and sucked on this junk like nobody’s business in utmost anger while I continued to admire the hot milf at the corner of my eye. Yes, creepy, but whatever. I know, I have sick sick sick fantasies and I know do you too so I’m not the only bad guy here. Anyways, we got the bill and booked it. I was pissed. Super pissed. Strike three by ten fold. Angry me is never a good thing. I left no tip whatsoever. I hate this place. A lot.

Check out this BS man…
You call this fucking shaved ice? Fuck you!

What Made Up For This, However…

A nice long black at my new favourite cafe – Cafe Gene Wherer Main and Kingsway meet at the triangle block – the gateway to SoMa. I saw this place open and it was pretty bland and chic (at least I think so) and located right at the triangle block which I find to be a magical place full of history and mischief. As East Van as it gets, you have the typical modster and hipster running in’n’out of this joint getting their jolt of caffeine or punk kids like myself, AJ and Justin rockin’ it outside on a sunny Sunday under the shade causing an endless ruckus. Scooters surround the block with the Jazz, the modern Vespas *yuck!* and the Vinos. Dogs sitting outside waiting for their human companions while people get on and off the 19 Metrotown bus. Pretty girls sit outside chit chatting while you have the “Hey Look At Me” jackasses flaunting their PowerMACs with a book full of Kafka’s short stories. But lets cut to the chase – these guys at Cafe Gene make the best double long shots in the whole damned city! They put the Vancouver coffee scene to shame! Never have I ever had a replication of a long black since I was in Prague. Seriously, they make a kick-ass espresso even Gina said it was evil and threatened to slit my throat! Hit up Cafe Gene when you get a chance – a real jewel to this city. Cheap jolts, neat folks. Check it out.




Comments? Offended?
Send them to:
spam AT bcrdukes DOT com