Digital Love…

…by Daft Punk

This dream I’m dancing right beside you
And it looked like everyone was having fun
A kind of feeling I’ve waited so long

Don’t stop come a little closer
As we jam the rhythm gets stronger
There’s nothing wrong with just little, little fun
We were dancing all night long

The time is right to put my arms around you
You’re feeling right, you wrap your arms around too
But suddenly I feel the shining sun
Before I know it this dream was all gone

Ooh
I don’t know what to do
About this dream and you
I wish these dreams come true
Ooh
I don’t know what to do
About this dream and you
We’ll make these dreams come true

Why don’t you play the game
Why don’t you play the game

Never Thought This Would Happen…

…but I finally met somebody cool for once on one of my trips!  My colleague Andy once told me the saying, “When you go on a trip whether you’re on a bus, train or an air plane, you might meet that one special person but there’s a one in a million chances of that ever happening.”

And I’ll admit that I agree.  It’s true.  One in a million that you’ll meet that one special person.  Statistically, I’m not sure how many times this has happened but I’m bound to believe it does happen from time to time.  For me though, this time, it’s different.  I finally met somebody I subconsciously never thought I would’ve met.  The way it all rolled out into play was so bizarre still awes me but I was lucky enough to have been seated at a dinner table with two other people.  There was a man in his later 40s or 50s and another younger woman perhaps late 20s or early 30s?  I couldn’t tell you to be sure but what I can tell you is that I was hoping that I could just eat my dinner in peace, alone.  On my usual trips, this is what I would normally do.  I’d eat alone and spend some time to myself to reflect and to observe my surroundings.  This time was different.  It just happened.
I sat down with these two and it appears that they didn’t know each other.  The man in front of me (whose name I did not catch) has dual citizenship – Canadian and American and has been working for the Department of Fisheries for over 35 years as a researcher.  He lives up just a bit past north of Hope and he tells me he’s on his vacation which he is entitled to.  He was an interesting man full of humour and definitely one who admits faults of his generation compared to ours.  Not to mention, he was very understanding of evolving cultures of CBCs and whatnot.  The topic of me going back to Asia was brought up and it appears that the lady whom I sat beside has been to Macau before.  We got into the discussion of hobbies and interests and whatnot and I learned that the lady beside me was in advertising!  I was like, “Wow, no way?!”  It appears that she works for an independent advertising agency in Seattle who does the ads for Alaska Airlines and Toyota etc.  Pretty impressive I must say.  Well, dinner came to an end and she decided to relax in the observation car.  I asked if I could join her and she kindly accepted.  I went to grab my laptop and came back to sit down with her.  We talked about our reasons as to why we chose to take the train.  I basically told her that I wanted to try it out and that airfare from Vancouver to Los Angeles was just too much.  She agreed and said this was her first time taking the train.  Neat, I thought.
The chitter chatter went on a for a bit and then some drunk ass loser who thinks he’s “The Man” of the train with his macho-like manliness was just oozing out of him.  It was so disgusting because he was clearly drunk and had just too much wine.  He was so full of shit from the dinner table claiming to be a language accent connoisseur after asking a woman across from our table whether she was Iranian or not when she was Peruvian?  Wow, buddy.  Get a life.  Anyways, our judgment opened us both up so we talked about Vancouver and the different restaurants and whatnot.  So I asked this lady for her name.  “I’m Sarah.”  And at the point, I introduced myself and gave her one of my Aspiration Media business cards.

She liked the card and clearly found it to be a creative and artistic statement.  I’m glad she feels that was especially for somebody coming from the industry.  Mind you, she’s in accounting but she has a lot of work experience in the advertising field alone.  But anyways, I offered her to give me a call if she’s ever up in Vancouver again and I really hope that she does.  She’s really cool, I must say.  Pretty cute, nice hair and killer smile.  Overall, I never thought I’d run into a nice American Woman like herself especially on a trip like this.  I really hope she does give me a call when she comes up to Vancouver.  It’d be nice to see her again and of course, to have dinner.  She even offered me to give her a call if I’m ever in Seattle so maybe I should head down there more often now that I’ve made a new friend.

I woke up the next morning at approximately 6:30am?  I don’t remember.  I know for a fact that I fell asleep again and woke up in time for breakfast.  I walked down the aisle to see if Sarah was awake but she was curled up with a blanket on top of her sleeping away.  I didn’t want to disturb her so I went on my own way to the dining car.  There, I sat down and as I finished my breakfast, an older lady was seated with me.  I learned a great deal about her.  Her name’s Louis, just like Louis from Family Guy.  She talked just like her and infact, sounded like her.  She was an interesting woman for somebody who’s 75.  She’s traveled all over the world because she was a travel agent in her younger days and now is a director at the Portland University Library.  Pretty neat.  I’m leaving a lot of facts out but nonetheless, it was definitely an interesting experience.

As soon as I finished, Louis let me go and I walked back to my seat thinking that it’d be a good opportunity to brush up.  I felt like garbage.  I wanted to brush my teeth and wash my face.  I still felt groggy but as I walked towards my seat, Sarah saw me and greeted me with a warm, smiley face.  Sparkling eyes before me, she asked how my breakfast was and all I could say in return was, “It was fine but I think it would’ve been a lot better if you had joined me.”  She blushed and laughed. We talked for a bit then I went back to my seat.  Hours later, I realized her stop was coming up.  San Jose, California.  She packed her belongings and as the train stopped, she stopped, looked over for me and waved good bye but before she left, she said, “I’ll see you in Vancouver.”  I said in return, “Call me…”  And that itself was so self-satisfying.  People around me looked at me, smiled and said, “Looks like you caught yourself a nice one.”  And I really hope that I did and then off she went.

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So Here We Go Again…

…again on another solo trip down to Los Angeles, California this time around.  I had three days of carry-over vacation to blow from last year and it had to be used up before March 31st.  I didn’t have a choice but to take the time off and besides, I was about to lose my sanity from my miserable job.  If I had not found out that my father was going to Los Angeles to pay respects to my late grandmother, I would not have gone on this trip.  Infact, this is the sole purpose of this trip – to owe up to seeing my family as promised in November and most importantly, to pay my respects to my grandmother.

The trip itself was pretty last minute.  I hesitated at first only because my pessimism drove me to believe that return airfare from Vancouver to Los Angeles would be an arm and a leg, and yes, it was.  My father was lucky and scored himself a return flight for $400.  Whereas when I searched, I found it for $760 as the lowest fare based on the times and dates of my travel anticipated travel.  I didn’t really have a choice so I was stuck on either forking up the cash or to find an alternate method in going.  I felt that it’d be mandatory for me to go only because I didn’t get the chance to go during her funeral in November (I was in Toronto and Moncton at the time for work.)  My family was pretty disappointed but on top of that, I think it was either Karma that stuck or I was cursed for not showing up to my grandmother’s funeral.  I got raped left, right, and centre for everything I tried doing.  I lost my job, I then end up in a hell hole of a call centre environment only to be brought down to the lowest of the lows to become a customer service representative and then, the girl whom I truly had feelings for did not feel the same way and so, I lost her and everything that meant to me about her.  Last but not least, I go through 5 interviews at work only to find that I’m a fodder for another candidate they had in mind already.  Fuck.  Oh, and to add to all of this, I fail Aircare 4 times in a row only to find out it was my retarded blowoff-valve.  God Damn it.  Talk about a streak of luck, eh?

Likewise, I’m here on the train as we speak (yes, right now – 5:06pm PST Thursday, March 15, 2007.)  I’d post this right away but unfortunately, data roaming charges in the USA are worse than a mega-anal probe shoved up your ass so I’m trying to avoid that at all costs.  I’ve gone on a few times to check using my Bluetooth dongle and my Nokia 6131 but the EDGE and voice network here on Cingular is ridiculous.  It’s slow and poorly engineered.  What a shitty country and network.  But yeah, the train ride itself isn’t so bad.  I’m on the Amtrak Coast Starlight Train 11 from Seattle Union Station to Los Angeles Union Station downtown.  Nobody sat beside me for a bulk of the day but in Portland, some hippy Jesus-wannabe fucktard decided to sit beside me.  I wasn’t impressed.  He had scruffy long hair and a beard and some dirty old clothes.  He didn’t smell which is fine but like, fuck, don’t make yourself feel at home just because you’re on the train.

During the ride from Seattle to Portland, I saw some magnificent landscapes.  Rolling hills of green grass, the reflection of the blue sky, clouds and the golden Sun upon the lake, goslings with their mother duck waddling along the shores of the lake and beautiful cherry blossoms in Portland.  I could not help but admire the beauty of all of this and suddenly my weakness had grown upon me.  I couldn’t help but think of Felicia all over again.  I missed her.  And I had wished that she was here with me.  But of course, I’d only be kidding myself.  Lying to myself and throwing myself into an abyss of misery and pain all over again.  I suck at life.
I’ve got another 25 hours or so I travel before I arrive in Los Angeles.  My ass is starting to get numb and I’m starting to get hungry.  My dinner reservation isn’t until 8pm.  Damn it.  Not to mention, there aren’t any good looking ladies on this train.  But afterall, I wanted to go on the train for the experience with little to no expectations.  So far, so good.  I’ll keep you posted.

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There Are Days…

…where I feel empty deep down inside and this feeling has been surfacing moreso than usual. And as the days go by, I can’t help but feel that a bigger hole inside of me where the emptiness grows upon me. The lack of aspiration, dedication, loyalty and ambition consumes me. I’m stuck here in this pit I call Hell every morning from 9am to 5pm fulfilling Satan’s wishes. It kills me inside that I’m not doing what I’m good at doing and what I can do to my fullest potential. To have Somebody Up There pull me back up and then to kick me to the curb again rips a bigger hole in what’s left of me. I can only take so much because I’m human but I’m starting to become numb. I don’ know how much more of this I can take because if you were to tell me to be patient, I think I’ve been pretty patient, don’t you think? And come to think of it, my friend Allan pointed out to me the other day that I’ve become more “standoff’ish.” I think what he meant to say was that I’ve been more care-free and tolerant/numb of what’s happening. And he’s probably right. I stopped caring about a lot of things and of people. I can’t be bothered to really care anymore because I no longer see a point in doing so only because I know I’ll set myself up for disappointment. I haven’t lost faith in humanity because I know that something will come to value at the end of this melting pot of misery called Life.

And Then There Are Other Days…

…where I miss her. I wake up in the morning thinking about if she’s going to be stuck in traffic to work and on weekends, whether she’s still up for coffee or perhaps a dinner and movie. And when I have that burning desire to go to the VAG, I can’t help but think of her and what her opinion is on a particular exhibit. Or whether she’ll be going to FUZE on Friday nights at month’s end. Whether she bought that coat she wanted at Spank. I miss that warm smile of hers, her sparkly, innocent eyes, and her beautiful hair. Her stories of going to Europe and what she did with her nephew and niece. I miss all of that and most importantly, I still miss her. But honest to truth is that if things were meant to be this way, they were meant to happen for a reason – good or bad. I can’t change the way things are anymore only because I’ve learned to respect how she feels. I don’t want to be an asshole about it. I just have to take all of this for face value. Then again, this doesn’t mean I can’t miss her. I can’t help it. Call me weak, but she still means a lot to me. You don’t run into a girl like her once every blue moon. Felicia, my weekends and endless cups of coffee just aren’t the same without you. I miss you but both you and I know…Life Goes On.

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Man…

…there are days in which I get truly disappointed in the some of the people I know.

It boggles my mind in how some people have so little self respect for themselves and their peers. It sickens me that when you get into a minor squabble, you turn the anger and hatred into a life-long vengence against the other person and sooner or later, when you get an apology, you discredit them? Man, fucks like you should be shot and beaten to death in public. I have no respect for people like you and if you ever want anything from me or need anything, tough, because you’re not worth it. You probably know who you are. And if I’ve offended you in any way, I’m not sorry because really, I’m not. And I mean what I say. Don’t underestimate me. You don’t know what you’re dealing with.

You’re pathetic.

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